I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
