You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
operation harelip BJ is a go
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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