I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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