i was born a porn star she said
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
