Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
