i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Someone came in the potted fern
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
