i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
