white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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