Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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