I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
