Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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