Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
