yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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