i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
