that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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