WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
