its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
