So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
