just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
