I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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