There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
