he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
