i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Floor bacon is actually really good
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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