His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize