god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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