Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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