now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My vagina is very pro this idea
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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