The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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