I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize