Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
