You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
