Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
