i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The Olympian is in my bed
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
