At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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