your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
