We're facebook friends in real life
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
