Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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