your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
