My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
