Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
