omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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