nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Randomize
