Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
