I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
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We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
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I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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