My friends, they love my intelligence
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
