Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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