I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
