I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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