Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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