Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
