great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
