It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize