He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
