I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
