another moral hangover. fuck.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
