He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
