Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
