How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
