every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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