walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's never too late to be topless.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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