Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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