My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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